Pressure to be 'perfect'
Life and
all its expectations can be difficult on anyone, regardless of age, race,
culture or social standing. But in particular, the pressures we face in our twenties
to have the ‘perfect’ life are becoming more apparent, especially with the
rapid increase in use of social media and the ability to hide all truth behind
a screen. But what does it mean to have the ‘perfect’ life? To most people it
may be the same, to have money, a family and marriage. To others it may be
entirely different but I believe the essence of this and what society deems as
successful, is something that looms over the head of almost every individual in
their twenties.
From quite
a young age, many of us are conditioned into only seeing one cookie cutter
version of life. We are raised with idea that a nuclear family is the end goal
and to get there, you must also establish a successful career. In an age where
strong independence is more apparent and people are breaking away from this
mould, the idea of perfection and what it means to succeed has adapted
slightly, but I do believe there is still that underlying expectation that you
must ‘settle down’ and find success and happiness within a family unit.
So what are
the main pressures we face in our twenties? As mentioned previously, the urgency
to find a partner, get married, and then have children, is something I believe
most of us are pushed into. This becomes an evident struggle when you reach
your mid to late 20’s and everyone around you is either married or expecting.
If you’re not on the same page then it often makes you feel like you’re behind;
you’re left wondering where things went wrong. When will I meet that special
person and have a family of my own?
Similar to
this, the expectation to own a house is added to the growing list. In today’s
society, the property ladder is certainly not in favor of the younger
generation. Our parents and grandparents like to remind us that back in their
day, life and growing up was challenging and they always needed to walk 7 miles
to get to school every day! What they seem to forget is that young adults today
don’t have the same advantages when it comes to jobs and the housing market. At
the beginning of the 1970’s, the average cost of buying a home was around
£4,057, compared to today’s rising prices of around £269,945. The likelihood of
owning your own home in 2021 is significantly diminished compared to that of
our grandparents time. According to statistics, among adults aged between 18 to
24, only 1% own their own home. I have come across what seems a rare example
where one of my own friends owns their own house. They acquired this house
through inheritance and Steph added “the only way our generation are getting
housing is through this way”. I would agree with this as the chances of owning
your own home in your twenties grows even more impossible.
Another
particular pressure we face is the notion of making loads of money and
‘flexing’ on social media. I would argue that this idea mainly stems from
social media with the rising fame of Tiktok stars and Instagram influencers.
With the huge increase in teen social media personalities, this creates the question
that if you’re not earning six figures by the time you’re 23, or you don’t have
a brand deal with Pretty Little Thing, you’ve evidently failed at life.
This leads
me on to the concept of having a successful career. One of the biggest issues I
have with this is the constant pressure that we are put under from even the
early ages of 16. From such a young age, you’re expected to know what you want
to do with the rest of your life. From 18 you’re expected to either go to
university or start an apprenticeship etc. My biggest struggle with this is the
fact that we change so often. The person we become at 25 will not be the same
person we were at 18. As we grow and change, so do our minds and personalities.
The things we want for ourselves can become drastically different and our
perspective can alter depending on life experiences we have. When I was in
school, I wanted to go into acting; when I was at university, I was sure that I’d
become the next great novelist! Now at 25, I’m just happy to be earning my way
with a roof over my head and food in my stomach! Career paths can change all
the time so this sense of having a successful career should be subjective and
not dictated by what society seems as successful; however I know this isn’t the
case.
It’s a
typical example where the grass is always greener. We see the surface happiness
that everyone wants to portray and believe that they have it all when in
reality, we don’t see the other side of the screen. We see what they want us to
see and in turn, we reflect in on our own life and wonder why things aren’t as
rosy for us.
But where
do these pressures come from? For many, family and the expectations placed on
us when growing up create increasing pressures in adult life. We are frequently
surrounded by typical families and the notion of getting married and having
children starts to become something that is expected of us when reaching our twenties.
Our parents want to know when they’ll be getting grandchildren and those awkward
conversations at family gatherings of ‘do you have a partner yet?’ or ‘when are
you going to settle down?’. Being encircled by families and friends that are
starting their own leaves you feeling somewhat outcast.
Discussing
the topic on hand with a close friend, the pressures that come from different
cultures also impact on an individual’s life. Shamira comes from a Muslim
family and background where religion and culture is incredibly important. She
explained her thoughts that, “in today’s society there is a particular pressure
for women to be dating or in a relationship. I think Instagram and Tiktok have
made it so that it appears that living your life in your twenties is all about
finding someone when it really should be about finding yourself.
I think in
the Asian and Muslim community as well this is valid, especially since there is
the cultural expectation to be married by a certain age, but that doesn’t ring
the same for men”.
This issue
can’t be discussed without detailing social media and I would argue that this
is one of the biggest factors when it comes to the pressure to be ‘perfect’.
Every day we see people of all ages showing off their successes, whether that
be on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook to only name a few. They have every right
to show what they want but the dangers of this come when reality begins to
blend into fantasy. I myself have come across one too many posts where people photoshop
the way they look or even fake scenarios to make themselves appear better off
than others. I understand that these things are not new. We have always lived
in a world where aspects of life are ‘enhanced’ in order to look what is deemed
more socially appealing, but I feel this has been pushed to the limit now that
we are in 2021. As I mentioned earlier, the rise of social media influencers
add to this factor. I would argue that this point in fact highlights the idea
that any regular person can make it big online and reach influencer status but
I would also add that this comes down to the luck of the draw. Algorithms and
clickbait work against most of us social media users and sometimes it does
simply come down to luck.
The affects
these pressures and influences have on mental health and welfare become more
and more apparent to me each day, not only within myself but those around me
and who I have spoken to on this topic.
These certain factors can distort your perception of reality and leave
you feeling like you’ve failed even before reaching 25. According to statistics
from Mind, 1 in 4 people will experience mental health issues of some kind each
year in England, and 1 in 6 people have reported experiencing common mental
health issues like anxiety and depression in any given week.
Furthermore,
I have a few words from a close colleague who is now in their thirties that I
felt important to share. Discussing the topic with her and reflecting back on
her twenties and the pressures she faced, she had this to say, “your twenties
are hard and no one tells you this, so you spend it trying to balance so much
in your life whilst walking uphill with heavy baggage.
However,
two years into being 30, although I’m glad to be in my thirties because there’s
less surprises about people, society, the world, the injustice, myself and
others in my age group are suffering from Millennial burnout”.
When asked
what advice she would give to someone currently in their twenties, she replied,
“your twenties are fun but prepare for them to be hard. Your training wheels are
coming off and you will fall over.
Also take
no shit! Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean you have to put up with
anyone treating you badly”.
So will
this ever be resolved? The honest answer is no unfortunately. It’s incredibly
difficult to unlearn the whole history of what society today has been built on
and break down the social norms. We grow up learning certain behaviors and ways
of living that trying to change this and what you’ve always known is a
challenge. I would say that no matter your age, race, religion or social
standing etc., we all need to make the effort to understand that not everyone
is the same and wants the same things from life. It’s easier said than done,
but when you reflect on this and realize that all external expectations of
yourself are irrelevant, you begin to focus on what’s more important to you and
what will make you happy. You start to push away this idea of fitting in to
what society deems appropriate and living a life that is better suited to meet
your needs.
Equally, we
must acknowledge that not everyone will try to understand YOU. The truth is
that people will still judge you on your choices and question why you don’t
want the same things as everyone else. We need to accept that not everyone can
change their way of thinking or at least try and see your different viewpoint;
some battles are not meant to be won.
