How have black men hurt black women?

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11 Jun 2021


DISCLAIMER: Tread lightly when reading, the things mentioned here are not a representation of every black male or female. I solicit your understanding as you read. Thank you. 

Among our flourishing community there is a myriad of different issues that black heterosexual males and black heterosexual females need to address. It seems that over time black men have done some considerable damage to black females and vice versa. Many a times black males are accused of not affirming or standing by their black female counterparts as they should. This has provoked many things within the black gender sphere, both black men and women deciding to not date one another. Now I would like to preface this next statement by saying if a black woman ever gets in a fuss about black men not dating them it isn't necessarily because they are racist or antagonistic towards other women of other races it’s more to do with feeling rejected by their ethnically similar counterparts, also to do with much negative talk from black men; colourist statements and the overall negligence of a black woman’s emotions also come into play, if you ever happen to see a picture of a black couple and you see the hashtag #blacklove this is merely because many people see love of this kind as a dying breed and wish to embrace it.  

Without further ado let’s talk about it how have black women been hurt by black men? 

COLORISM: Don’t mind my wishy-washy spelling but yh colour or colorism is the discrimination of one within the same ethnic group. It is very important to note that within the atlantic slave trade the colonial masters of that day branded black people in class according to the fairness of their melanin. The ones who were allowed to serve in ‘Massa’s house’ so to speak more often than not had lighter skin, and were considered more intelligent. That’s obviously ludicrous but that was how the slave masters thought, unfortunately this in some way has found its way in how we look at each other. Lighter skinned ladies are considered more attractive by a lot of black men, funnily enough so are lighter skinned black men which makes it a double-edged sword, but the escapades of black males in this regard is more readily spoken about due to certain statements made by black men, eg; ‘you’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl’ This thinking is problematic and must be done away with by both black men and women.  


RED PILL IDEOLOGY: Many late black millenials and Gen Z’s have coined the thought process known as the red pill, or affectionately known as MGTOW(MEN GOING THEIR OWN WAY) Now what does mgtow have to do with black men? Black men have their own subsidiary with a certain gentleman spearheading the movement. MR K.S(full name not mentioned for legal reasons), the rhetoric he spews out to black women encourages black females to aim for mediocrity in their romantic aspirations because according to Mr S’s assessment in order to want a good ‘high value black man’ you have to be a quote and quote baddie or not a single mother. This is affirmed with him referring to certain ladies as ‘average at best.’ Where I find fault with him is him basing value on two things a man’s pocket, a woman’s looks. Problematic assertions about how a black woman shouldn’t seek for a financially independent responsible man merely because they have already obtained a child or are not ‘sexy enough’ this and other faulty statements have encouraged black men to do the bare minimum in terms of how they organise their finances and HOW THEY TREAT BLACK WOMEN! If they see Mr S talk down to black women it must be okay if they do it. Black men and women are entitled to their preference nobody has to desire mediocrity no matter how unqualified someone deems them. That is insensitive, and ‘SILLY AT BEST’ much misogynistic rhetoric is not helping us black men value black women. I was brought up in a traditional diasporan African home and I just can't hang with some of the stuff I hear Mr K.S say because I never saw my father treat my mother like that, it’s never cool seeing a fellow Black male put down his black female counterpart.  


DATING CHOICES: This is a slight controversial topic and requires care, care for me writing, also care for the one reading it so that you don’t misinterpret what I am saying. Now that we have got that disclaimer out of the way another thing that is hurting the romantic harmony between black males and females is the alleged neglect of black women. Many athletes have branched out in terms of dating preferences and gone for ladies of other races. Now in practice there is nothing inherently wrong with that but in the grand context of what I mentioned earlier to the average black female this is interpreted as neglect of them and their melanin. Many black women have expressed frustration, asking ‘do black men even like us anymore?’ Once again this is not inherently to do with white women or any other race but more to do with them feeling unloved. Stereotypes such as black women are angry, mean, short tempered and other harmful tropes as portrayed in television shows have added to the narrative that ‘black women are undesirable’ Let’s not forget the blatant sexualising of them rather than the glorifying of them for more important things rather than the ‘back off, titties or bundaaa,’ black females are more than their bodies, and are more than just short tempered. 

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